Coping with the Black Hole of Calcutta

A funnel cake
Well my husband has been away for a couple of weeks and I have basically been held hostage by two of the most manipulative little so and so's on the planet. They have exploited my weak nature and taken me for every penny in treats, shopping expeditions, cinema trips, trips to have pedicures etc. Especially in respect to procuring junk food from me they have been remarkably successful. My husband usually limits takeouts to once a week but I'm afraid in his absence that we have rather been keeping the local Chinese takeaway in business.

We all have our list of devil foods as far as nutrition is concerned - a donut being the unhealthiest food in the world or maybe a funnel cake (deep fried batter sprinkled with sugar if you're interested) - and even if the kids beg and howl I don't really cave to buying chocolate, candy or ice cream.

But like many poor suckers I am seduced by posters of healthy looking people jogging amongst large berries such as in the TCBY campaigan. So the kiddos have found my soft spot to buying them crap: if they ask for frozen yogurt they know I can't really say no. And while frozen yogurt like TCBY has 98 percent fat free vanilla, which weighs in at 120 calories, 2g fat and 17g of sugar the reality is that Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt is basically on par with 130 calories, 1.5g fat and 16g of sugar in half a cup of their vanilla frozen yogurt. Which is okay I suppose. But throw on sliced banana and a sprinkling of shredded coconut and you're looking at 530 calories. That's more than an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla frozen yogurt (520 calories)!!!

But still...although it actually makes no sense calorie-wise I don't care if they occasionally have a tub of frozen yogurt even if the nutritional benefits cancel themselves out when drowned in fudge sauce and M&Ms.

I would like it if for harassed mums there was alcohol laced frozen yogurt...cocktails in a frozen yogurt swirl. Sex on the Beach in a cone. If anyone out there is listening....this is a must for the dietary conscious mum!

So I am looking forward to my husband's return as he will be able to curb their junk food enthusiasms. Also...he went to Calcutta...and left me with a black hole of Calcutta of my own. He said I'd blocked the loo on my floor by putting too much toilet roll in it and had taken up the toilet before he left and was 'fixing it.' And then he left for two weeks leaving me with a black hole and nowhere convenient to pee. Don't worry we have other loos on other floors but this was a bit of a nightmare I can tell you!

Now I come to think of it I have gotten pretty fit since I have to jog either upstairs or downstairs every time I want to go to the toilet.

When he gets back he is going to get an earful! And he will be forced to put the damn toilet together, preferably installing some interesting variation like this:

I mean, come toilet and kids hassling me for junk food 24/7. I am this close to cracking up. In fact a few Easters ago I actually found myself having an out of body experience and ate a whole Easter Basket... Don't want it to happen again this year so hurry back hubby dear. Read all about it at my blog over at Diet-to-Go - and do pop on over if to tell me if you've ever had an out of body chocolate experience!

And what about you? Do you find things go to hell in a hand basket when your husband or other half is out of town? What kinds of items do you find yourself buying for the scamps that are usually vetoed by your more sensible other half?


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