My Weekus Horribilis



Where did my brain go? Last week I lost it. My husband was in Chicago and it can safely be said that the wheels, which were only very loosely attached to the cart in the first place, fell off completely.

We live in a part of Baltimore that is very much like a little village in The Darling Buds of May. Or maybe it's a bit like in the Cheers sitcom where 'you want to go where everyone knows your name!' In any case it's very friendly and quaint, all rambling roses, cottagey houses, bendy windy roads and purple clematis, which is a bit weird I suppose because drive a mile south and the only decorations in the yards are discarded mattresses with their springs hanging out, heroin syringes and used condoms.

The first um incident occurred last Wednesday when the sheer giddy freedom of being a lusty housewife loose in Baltimore when straight to my head. After a gal pal and I enjoyed a boozy lunch and relaxing pedicure I remembered that oh yeah I had to collect the kids from school. Fear not, I successfully achieved that but once we got home realized I had a throbbing headache. So I popped what I thought were two Tylenol. Alas when I looked at the container I realized I'd actually taken a sleeping tablet called Tylenol PM - which is an absolute Godsend, you know, if you actually want to go to sleep. Unfortunately it was 4pm on a Wednesday and I suddenly felt very tired. After deciding that the drive to the girls' ballet class was probably unwise due to the threat of sleeping at the while I decided to lie down on the sofa 'just for a minute.' Three hours later I was shaken awake by my daughter who demanded food. Feeling very guilty indeed I arose and swiftly assembled a nutritious meal (aka mac and cheese from a box).

Now of course, living in America I've been thinking that maybe I could sue Tylenol like that woman who burnt herself on McDonalds coffee because she had no idea coffee was made with boiling water. Indeed the two containers for Tylenol do look startlingly similar. That said I don't think I have much of a case. I will just have to put the PM one in a place I don't visit very much like on the ironing board so that I only access it in an insomnia related emergency.

The other thing that happened was on the Friday my kids went home with another family because it had clear slipped my mind that they had a half day. The problem with living in a happy clappy community I suppose is you know that there will always be someone looking out for your kid so you don't worry too much. I have even, believe it or not, taken a few kids to my house when their parents didn't show up - it's no biggie. But forgeetting the half day somehow seemed like the final straw, and the first step towards senility. Luckily my husband has returned in the nick of time - I have to buy supplies for the girls' Brownie camping trip today and there are 35 items on it - frankly, I think doing it solo would have tipped me over the edge.

I have absolutely no idea how anyone has more than one kid. Have you ever accidentally mislaid one of your kids or taken one pill in lieu of another with disastrous consequences? Feel free to share!



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