Animal Magnetism

Well last week I volunteered to lead twelve seven year olds through a forest on a field trip to learn about Native Americans. The trip lasted four hours and afterwards I had to have a G&T and a nap. I mean seriously, the twelve went in all different directions, tried to skate on an icy pond and fell over, got knee deep in mud, and generally whacked each other while I shouted myself hoarse trying to get them all in single file. And were any of them grateful for this marvellous educational opportunity? No, most of them moaned and said they were 'freezing and wanted to go home.'

So when I saw that video of the goldfish doing synchronized swimming after allegedly being fed iron filings and dragged around by a magnet I must say the thought did occur to me about how much easier it might have been for me and for all those teachers and Girl Scout leaders on the verge of a nervous breakdowns if they'd simply followed suit. How much easier it would be if, on school trips, all the kids were secretely fed iron filings for breakfast (easily done mix it with All Bran and I defy anyone to tell the difference) with the result that they'd then march behind me in single file pulled along by a giant magnet sequestered in my backpack.

In fact I can think of a lot of ways in which the iron filing/magnet idea could save people a lot of effort. For example what about lazy pole dancers? If the lady wore a metal headdress she could be sort of spun round via giant magnets.

There are so many ways magnets could help us. I'm sure you can think of some. Go on let's put our thinking caps on. Who would you like to magnetize?