A Tale of Losers, Stoners and Little Blue Pills


Freddy had been banging his ex wife behind his girlfriend's back and suddenly realized he was scuppered

I think it's fair to say we've all been fools for love and many of us have fallen hard for men and women who were pretty duplicitous. That said it's so much more amusing to poke fun at others than to recount one's own sorry tales of woe. But I think we can all say that at some point we've had this lightbulb moment. It's quite terrifying really, scales fall from eyes and this wonderful Adonis/Sexpot is suddenly revealed as a terrifying arsehole.

Looking back we always say, "I should have seen the signs." And so, it is with much hilarity that I recount this tale I heard recently about a friend that was pretty funny because this girl, Hannah wasn't really getting much out of the relationship apart from money and still she somehow battled on thinking he would change.

I believe Hannah was with this bloke Freddy for five years. He was a trust fund kid and sat around all day smoking pot. Oh yeah and he was addicted to pain killers. Still, maybe he was a nice bloke. Or good in bed. Or maybe not because the pain killer addiction meant he had to take Viagra to maintain an erection. At which point it gets interesting because he was hoisted by his own petard so to speak.

I have not (thank God) ever had anything to do with a guy on Viagra but I believe at some point Hannah smelt that something was rotten in the State of Denmark in their relationship. I mean beyond the fact he was an impotent pothead with a pain killer addiction. You know, he had money and was bankrolling things. It was all good.



Her lightbulb moment occurred when Freddy said he was going on some trip and before he went Hannah counted his Viagra pills. Freddy sets off on this trip alone and Hannah notices four Viagra pills have gone with him. So she calls him up and asks where they've gone and instead of thinking on his feet and saying they were for a friend he just denies knowledge of the 'lost' Viagras. And then Hannah checks his cell phone account and finds tons of calls to his ex-wife and somehow it all comes out that he's been banging the ex using the Viagra. Then the lightbulb goes off that this guy's an arse.

We've all been there I suppose. But this was an interesting tale of modern romance. The message being if you are going to use 'performance enhancing drugs' and want to keep banging your ex keep your pills well hidden and don't have a cell phone account your current girlfriend can easily check.

I think Freddy's lightbulb moment occurred at that point too, that he was basically scuppered, but then he smoked a bong and took an Oxycontin and felt a lot better.

You will be pleased to say Hannah has now left Freddy.

So, what's your favorite lightbulb moment? I think I realized something was not quite right when I dated a very sexy Swede called Magnus. Later when he was snogging me he rubbed me between the legs through my jeans and said, "That's so different, that it's flat down there. I mean, different in a good way." It took a few more dates to realize that Magnus was gay, not bisexual or anything but 100% into crotches with protuberances. Maybe he was trying to steer himself in the opposite direction. We parted ways soon after.

This was inspired by a prompt at Sleep Is For The Week to write a piece inspired by the word 'light.'



And now..here’s the week’s Flog Yo’ Blog Friday list