Marriage For Dummies: A Potted History
Everywhere I go on the blogosphere these days there seem to be men saying they get a raw deal in marriage.
The feeling in the air is that women have all the power in marriage especially due to sex. That they ration sex in marriage, giving out rations when they feel like it and leaving men frustrated and angry much of the time. Take this case of a sexually frustrated man whose wife refused to sleep with him so he filmed her in the shower and got himself in legal hot water.
Now first of all how would that make him feel less sexually frustrated? Answers on a postcard! He sounds just plain daft and they should have gotten divorced a long time ago.
To some extent it is true though. Women do ration sex, probably because it is not quite as important to them as it is for men. Most of us do not walk around in a state of constant arousal (maybe I am just speaking for myself here). And look at it this way, if women didn't ration sex then men wouldn't consider it quite so valuable!
That's one of the problems of the sexual revolution - it made sex plentiful, which resulted in its devaluation.
There's also the loss of mystery, but that's a religious analogy, not a marketplace one...remember the days when Victorians had to cover up their table legs so as not to arouse men. It's not such a bad idea really. These are the facts: our brains are still at the cavemen state. In those days we lived in tiny groups and the average man would have seen maybe three very hairy women in his life. It may even have been well nigh impossible to tell they were women so he'd have to examine the lumps on their chest to see if they were breasts or just pine cones that had gotten matted up in the hair. The point is men are programmed to see any fertile female as hugely desirable and in caveman times it was act now - i.e. achieve congress with the woolly mammoth - think later. For the lady caveman it was a case of now I have had congress I think I love him and will stay with him forever - for such was the lay of the land and the caveman hunted while she gathered and carried the baby around on her back until such time as he was a teenager and said 'unstrap me.'
Later we cavemen and women settled in villages, towns etc and the first huge problem was the problem of paternity and trying to match baby to dad just via facial features. Another was the rampant promiscuity that was everywhere i.e. men lying with men, men spilling seed and women with women and people with animals. Chaos basically. So pretty soon some stories were made up that became the bible. Soon it was a huge sin to have sex with anyone that wasn't your husband or you'd be insulting God not to mention rotting in hell until the ends of time. Basically 'the sanctity of marriage' was invented to try and keep things straight because the Pope figured that unless you told people they were going to burn in hell if they strayed there'd be no impetus to curb the hanky panky. Because we have been programmed for one thing and one thing only: reproduction. People conveniently forget that. And that was fine when we lived in tiny groups of cavemen but not so much now.
So what we have now is men who see several thousand erotic images a day be it in the form of lovely unhairy ladies or porn or underarm deoderant ads. I say why rail against the burka! Bring it back. Make it compulsory. Give men some relief from their erotic fantasies. They don't want to embarass themselves by having erections at swimming pools and yet this is what biology drives them to.
Because like eating chocolates the thing about sex is the more sex you have the more you want. Take Tiger Woods. Now no one's saying what he did was particularly clever but maybe Elin wasn't thinking too straight on this one. Isn't he away nine months of the year? And isn't he a very attractive, physically fit millionaire? Now what did she think he was going to be doing for sex for the nine months? And did she really think that every woman the right side of ninety wouldn't be throwing themselves at him? Just asking. Did she get fobbed off by him saying, don't worry darling, I'm just having an early night doing some buddhist chanting and drinking wheatgrass. I'm not blaming her because he is a tool but well, maybe she contributed something to the downfall of his pants? I mean why didn't she fly out occasionally and give him a little sumpin sumpin?
What do you think? As a man, do you get too little sex in your marriage? Does your wife ration sex? What is the solution?
Mine is bring back long Victorian dresses or the burka but I know I will be a voice in the wilderness here!
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