Bruno's Austrian Nuts
If you are feeling a bit down I guarantee you will laugh your socks off at this clip from the MTV awards. Sacha Baron Cohen is now Bruno - a flamboyantly gay Austrian fashion correspondent hoping to make it big in Hollywood.
Seems like a fake "controversy," since everything is fake these days on TV but then why does Eminem storm off?
At last I have an ambition in life, I wanna be Bruno's bitch so bad. And as an Austrian I am highly qualified to assume this position.
I have already written him a job application to this effect (I really did always want a gay son):
The moment I saw you at the MTV awards with your arse exposed I knew that we were soulmates and that we were destined to be together. You are the son I have always dreamed of. I do have two children - who are unfortunately girls - but it has always been my dream to have a gay son. Who doesn't dream of one day watching one's son wearing his first pair of pink spandex shorts and sporting his first set of pink rollerblades? Who doesn't wish for that first ballet recital when your son is the only boy up on stage in a mauve tutu? And then, when a gay son grows up you basically have a free interior designer to obsessively worry about your drapes, carpets and sofa arrangements and to tell you straight, "Mama, that dress makes your arse look the size of a hippo."
But enough crying about what could have been. I was unfortunately born too early for the docs to isolate a gene for gayness so that I could have made sure I produced a flaming gay baby. But the longing is still there and as a fellow Austrian I feel we could be very good for each other. It seems that some people in Hollywood believe you are a no talent guy who's only assets are a pair of tight cheeks but let's prove them wrong Bruno. Let's prove that Austria isn't just a place where men wear Lederhosen and ladies wear Dirndls. Let's show them that Austrian fashion is truly spectacular and unique.
Dear Bruno - Let's change the face of Austrian fashion together
In short, I wanna be your bitch. I'll do anything for you Bruno. I'll made sure your nuts are in good shape, I'll polish your jockstrap and make sure that an unfortunate accident like when you fell onto Eminem's face never happens again. Do we have a deal?
Your humble servant
I will be checking the post with bated breath over the next few days. And what about you? If you had to be someone's personal slave who would it be?
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