Beardo Wierdos

In case anyone is interested sexual services have not yet been resumed. Husband took the day off today and I thought he would delight me with a cornucopia of sexual gymnastics but no, he just needed to stay home to watch the Man U match. Ho hum, off to straddle a gourd ...

Now, let's talk beards. Of all the things in the world that are wrong one of the wrongest things is beards. Yes I know it is a fag to shave in the morning but doesn't anyone realize that beards make you, at best, look like a woodland goblin and at worst like a Son of Sam serial killer. I'm just sayin. I must admit I have never had sexual congress with a beardo weirdo and unless he regularly shampooed his 'stache wouldn't it be just about as hygienic as making sweet sweet music to a labrador?

The men shown below are not inmates of a mental asylum but are of course finalists in the 2009 World Beard & Moustache Championships hosted this year by the South Central Alaska Beard & Moustache Club in Anchorage. Fair dos, I know there's not much to do in Alaska apart from grow ridiculous moustaches but I'm wondering if these jokers could even get a job in the real world with these Rolls Royce sized moustaches?

If you are a beard fetishist you are very much in for a treat. So here goes, drum roll please:

First Place

David Traver
Anchorage, Alaska
Beard Team USA
South Central Alaska Beard and Moustache Club
Full Beard Freestyle

Second Place

Karl-Heinz Hille
Berlin, Germany
Berlin Beard Club
Imperial Partial Beard

Third Place

Jack Passion
San Francisco, California
Beard Team USA
Full Beard Natural

Other assorted lunatics

Willi Chevalier
Sigmaringen, Germany
Sigmaringen Beard Club
With his superstyled partial beard which NPR's Robert Siegel once dubbed a "hair pretzel" Willi Chevalier practically owns the partial beard freestyle category.

Elmar Weisser
Brigachtal, Germany
Swabian Beard Club
Elmar stole the show at the WBMC 2005 when his tribute to the host city Berlin -- his beard styled to depict the world famous Brandenburg Gate -- earned him the world championship title in the full beard freestyle category.

Am I alone in shunning the bearded? If you're a man have you ever grown a beard and if you did did you find it made the ladies avoid you like the plague? Ladies, have you grown a beard? Or if not, do you have a secret fetish for bearded lads?

For more beardo wierdos go here.