Ode to a Tampon

I was wondering why I felt psychotic yesterday. Because I was not using the Infomaniac patented PMS Buddy (which sends details of your menstrual cycle to up to FIVE men in your life or to yourself if you are a halfwit like moi) I failed to realize that - oh yeah - my period was due!! So it was quite a relief to start my period today and return to a relatively normal state of mind where I did not want to wring the life out of living creatures and even our pet fish. And then I was feeling quite poetic so I wrote an ode to that little marvel: The Tampon.

Ode to a Tampon

Tampons are something no man wants to discuss

Like what is their function?

It just makes men blush

When we tell them that they just need to rush

To the chemist because we are a dam about to gush

They make silly suggestions to which we reply:

"No a rolled up slice of white bread won't do just as well

Do you want a poke in the eye?"

What is it with men and the embarassment factor

Of purchasing tampons

It makes them feel emasculated

Makes them lose their erections

But tampons are friends

They are fun toys for kids too

My five year old thinks Tampax

Are sleeping bags for 'mice'

the furry white creatures that huddle inside

When you need a tampon in a hurry they're nowhere to be found

You can't get them from drug dealers, ten Supers for a pound

Always be aware of tampon borrowing etiquette:

When asking a stranger if you can borrow a tampon

Don't be surprised if she doesn't want it back

I am fond of my tampons

And thank God they exist

For if they didn't

There'd be blood on the streets

Please add a verse if you would like. This may become a series in which I write about other common household objects. Suggestions are welcome.