Porn Bailout


Tremors were throbbing through the Oval Office yesterday as Obama responded to a desperate letter penned by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild chief executive Joe Francis who told him that 'the bottom had fallen out of the porn market.' Obama immediately responded to the crisis, agreeing to shell out$5 billion to bail out the porn industry which has taken an economic pounding.

In an urgent meeting Obama told Hillary Clinton that, "Adult DVD sales and rentals have gone down 22 per cent during the past year. We desperately need this erotic stimulus package."

"Absolutely! That porn sales are down means some people are missing out," Hillary countered. "Surely it's the basic right of every American to consume as much porn as is humanly possible?"

"Of course it is. This is a humanitarian crisis," said Obama. "People who used to shell out an arm and a leg for their masturbatory pleasure are increasingly turning to pirated copies and YouTube-like Web sites that stream clips for free."

Moved to tears, Hillary said, "Additionally, who are we to deny these adult performers from carrying out a trade that brings happiness to millions and has a huge impact on the economy?"

Porn star Jennifer Juggs said, "The bailout will be most welcome. Sales being down isn't affecting our clothing budget since most of us work in our birthday suits but some female stars were at their wits end wondering if they would be able to afford their annual breast and butt implants. This bailout has literally saved our butts."

And what about you? Are you finding that the credit crunch has shrivelled your porn budget? And how are you coping?