I Wanna Make You Felt Good

Like you, I have battled with my weight. I'd tried all the usual avenues, like sanitized tapeworms which left me thin, yes, but with the side effects of anaemia and scabs all over my body.

I also wore the revolutionary French weight loss underpants for ten years. The granny pants, which covered me from waist to knee, eliminated toxins and cellulite so that in very little time I had dropped pounds. Unfortunately, the wearing of these knickers also hastened the loss of my first husband Gunther's libido. Indeed, Gunther left me for a fat woman who wore thongs (go figure) and I am now on hubby number two and thankful to say that YES! I have now found an eating plan that works without side effects like anal leakage that make most diet pills well, so messy. My plan is called The Felt Good Diet and this diet means I can eat what I like whenever I like. And for only $456.99 plus shipping and handling I will send you this revolutionary diet book, but first, let me give you the highlights!

Basically, in a nutshell, I eat a lot of fibre on this diet.

"Roughly speaking," says my chum Dr Jibberwooky of the University of Lilliput, "the more fibre, protein and water a food contains, the longer it will satisfy you - so the higher the SI, the better. We call it SI to confuse people but its basically a Satiety Index (see below). The index ranks foods according to their ability to a) satisfy your hunger, while b) keeping your appetite at bay. White bread (with a Satiety Index [SI] of 100) is the standard against which all other foods are compared. Satiety or satisfaction describes how long a particular food will keep you going before you feel hungry."

Croissant 47
Cake 65
Doughnut 68
White Bread 100
Cornflakes 118
Jelly beans 118
Wholegrain bread 154
Porridge 209
White fish 225
Potatoes 323
Wool 412
Clay 554
Felt 633

"High fibre foods are best because fibre expands in the gut, acting like a sponge, absorbing and holding on to water as it passes through the body, helping you feel full. In general, fruit and vegetables, wholegrain foods, legumes and nuts are excellent. Fibre also increases your chewing time, which gives your body time to register that you're feeling fuller - so you will stop eating sooner," says Dr Jaberwooky.

And by quickly perusing this table I think the results speak for themselves. What could have more fibre in it than felt? Yeah, I said felt. Another food that has a lot of fibre in it is clay. And don't get me started on wool. All are good, healthy and delicious foods that will make you lose weight in a flash.

Eat Whatever You Like Whenever You Like

Can you imagine sinking your teeth into this juicy felt burger?

Or what about sucking on this chicken leg? It's finger licking good.

These muffins with satiate your sweet craving, even though they're made of clay!

Have knitted toast, any time of the day or night.

Don't delay, send off for my book today and soon you'll be looking and feeling great like me:

What are you waiting for! Order The Felt Good Diet plan today!