Should Donuts Be Illegal?


Right now, adults and kids in Haiti are subsisting on 'cookies' made of dirt, salt and vegetable shortening because it is the only thing they can afford.



So excuse me if I don't have any sympathy for the Fat Acceptance movement (NAAFA) whose objective it is to battle prejudice against fat people. To NAAFA I say, please stop being ridiculous.

No, I don't think women should aspire to be waifs, and obviously, diets and diet pills are a massive moneymaking con, but does that make it is okay to be fat? Firstly it has massive health risks, but even if it didn't, is it really a good idea to guzzle your body weight in soda every day? In an attempt to legitamize the fact that they are a bunch of lazy slobs who don't want to exercise or control their calorific intake, NAAFA (I need hardly add that this bunch of fruitcakes are based in California) puts forward this manifesto:

"There is one thing that FA blogs have in common across the board: we believe that it is wrong to mistreat someone because they are fat. That’s it."

To which I say, bollocks. Do you want me to start an organization because I am too attractive (TOOSEXY) or my breasts are too large and men stare at them (BOOBIES)? Maybe I should start an organisation for women with blonde hair who are prejudiced against because we are regarded as bimbos (BLONDEPAIN). Or maybe I should start a campaign for people with nice legs. Then I can start a campaign about it (LEGAGONY), go on Dr. Phil and share my agony: "People just look at my legs and don't realize that I have a PhD from Harvard." Or how about starting a campaign for people who are too smart to work at McDonalds (JOBLESSEGGHEADS)?

All I am saying is, grow up. In the world in which we live attractive thin people are top of the heap, fat people are bottom of the heap. If you wish to participate in this world you should play by the rules. If you wish to start an Isle of Fatos where donuts grow on trees, please do so, but please don't ask for special treatment in this world.

Let's wake up and smell the coffee. You are not fat because you have a slow metabolic rate. You are not fat because it is 'glandular' or 'genetic' or you have a food 'addiction'. You are fat because you overeat. Look, I've done it. Reach for a chocolate biscuit every time you feel low. Guess what, it makes you fat.

One of the problems about obesity is that eating huge amounts of food isn't illegal. I watched this program the other day about a 750 lb man who was in some detox hospital type place, where he was meant to lose weight and get better, and his wife was sneaking him in donuts and bags of chips. I said to a friend, who is a dietician, "I couldn't believe they didn't just chuck him out. I mean, he was just killing himself. If a drug addict who was meant to be detoxing smuggled in heroin, he'd be thrown out." And she said, "They can't do that, because donuts aren't illegal."

Quite frankly, this NAAFA organisation is doing fat people a huge disservice. Rather than accepting themselves they should realize that their eating is out of control. And while I'm at it, obese people really should have to pay for two seats on the plane.