Ahoy there Matey!


Well, it is Sausage's fifth birthday on Saturday and as usual my husband is trying to get me - kicking and screaming - to involve myself in the concept known as having a 'kids' birthday party' aka hell aka screaming brats in my house. So. It was time to think of new concepts. Concepts that involved maybe, having a bunch of five year olds at a birthday party on the sea, sans me.

Luckily I was able to make my idea bear fruit. Here at the harbor is a pirate boat that takes kids on a 'pirate experience' manned by adults who dress in pirate costumes, who may or may not be escapees from a mental institution, who talk pirate all day long and also fire (water)pistols at the gang of bad pirates in the little dinghy that sails alongside the pirate ship.

So I said to my husband, "I've got it. We will put the kids on the pirate boat. We don't have to even go on. We will just let the adult pirates do things with the kids!"

My husband said, "Do you want to rephrase that?"

"You know what I mean. The kids will be contained on a ship in the middle of the harbor. What can possibly happen to them? And of course, beside where the pirate ship casts off, is a fabulous french patisserie where I can truffle in a sow's trough of almond croissants. Heaven!"

So it seems that casting the kids off to find buried treasure is the way to go. There is one small problem though. A kid called Angie who is coming to the party.She was the one who went to school wearing her brother's cock ring on her finger. Which is fine, no harm done. The problem is that her mother told me Angie jumped off a rollercoaster the other day. Her mother said, "Well, it didn't occur to me to tell her not to jump off before she got on."

Me: "Well it wouldn't, would it?"

"It was just going round and round and Angie said she got bored. And because she's so tiny she easily slipped free of the restraints and jumped off."

"Wow. She's quite athletic isn't she?"

"Yes. It wasn't that dangerous actually, because it was only a kids' rollercoaster and she jumped out onto the platform which was only ten feet off the ground."

Hmm.

I really don't need Angie deciding to jump into the Chesapeake Bay, which looks like an oil slick. Or for that matter, me having to jump in after her.